puttin' on the ritz.....and the eclairs

i have been in singapore for officially one year.  what? i know. times flies when you are expected to work ALL THE TIME. and the weather never changes so it all just seems to fade into one extremely long day.. now i know how janis joplin felt.... "as we discover on the train.. its all the same fucking day"... except i'm not high on drugs..constantly drunk... or in southern US in 1969.... just imagine if i was! oh now that would be a blog i'd want to read!!

so to celebrate our awesome one year of mental stagnation we spared no expense.  there was only one place to go. the ritz baby.  ritz carlton. high tea.  the stuff dreams are made of.  the ritz carlton high tea is held in the chihuly lounge that was made for no one else but me.  it is completely decorated in... wait.. gold.  gold tables, gold sofas, gold pin stripped arm chairs, gold rimmed tea service... and odd modern glass swirly curly tail like sculptures by dale chihuly  the hotel itself is up on a small hill surrounded in lush greenery, so when you leave the main road and drive up to the entrance, its like you are ensconced in this lovely little serene luxiorious oasis.

the tea itself kicks the ass off of raffles.  its a buffet style with at least 3 different stations.  and all you can eat!  first station is finger sandwiches and nibbly bits.  second station is fresh warm scones, cream, jam.. and a banana split station.. and third station is eclairs.. at least 20 varieties.. including the chocolate one covered in... yup.. gold.  and its cheaper at $45.00 per pax (each person) than raffles.   and the couches were comfortable.

so we were all there, frankie, lizzie, laura and kathy. except claire who is now in dubai.. and isabella who's been in canada for far too long.  laura is unsure what to do about her bali boy.. who seems to want to get alot more serious than she.  he asked if he could go home to canada with her when she goes in december. what? and lizzie's german is playing hard to get.. since he really lives in hong kong and was just in singapore for business.. and i've decided to give gordon another chance.

what is with me and guys that have names starting with g? this one, gordon, i met on the internet... (i know!)  he is singaporean. (which explains also the odd choice of english name... i know, gordon.. not gord or gordy.. but gordon...odd right?)... so we have a bit of a cultural gap.. well he calls it culture .. i call it him being a massive player.  i gave him the boot rather not nicely a few months ago by shouting at him and his playing ways.  he decided to 'never talk to me again'.  but well.. its a small town and its a short life.. and one thing leads to another and texts are sent and replied to.. and well... he has a ferrari.  can't blame a girl for enjoying driving around town in a ferrari. and nothing is wrong with a lovely dinner every now and again.  huh.

which is how i explained it to the girls.  yeah.  back to the eclairs.  that's right.  i did two trips to the eclair station.  i couldn't help myself. i seem to have developed a few weaknesses in singapore... namely for toffee chocolate eclairs.. and ferraris.

so yes, besides a bit of leg being shown as we tried to stand up from the very plush sofas, high tea at the ritz was a very civilized and posh affair.  oh..and our server was from switzerland   he was this tall drink of water with impeccable manners.  and a deep low voice.  and a french accent. damn cute.  if only i was drunk and high as janis now, THAT would be an event. back to the eclairs.

The Ritz Carlton Millenia Singapore
7 Raffles Avenue
Tel: 6337 8888

one thousand angels.. that would rather be in heaven.

a suggestion by claire.  its actually called tea cozy.. but i think everyone just calls it one thousand angels.  she hadn't been able to make it for brunch lately because of her kid and was trying to get everyone together for a sunday meet up... and i think plaza singapura was a central location.  let's go with that idea.  god knows why else you would go there.  ok.  maybe i'm a biased snob.. but come on.  a tea house.. in a mall.. beside a spotlight?  i went a bit early thinking i would get a cup of tea in and relax before anyone else arrived.  and i did have time.  just that no one came over to take my order.  for a half an hour!  claire did make a good reservation.  we got the luxurious leather chairs (with price tags asking $1000 for each, even though people had been sitting in them since the beginning of time and they were scratched and stained.. and....).  the menu was interesting - offering high tea things like scones and cupcakes as well as wannabe american items like club sandwiches, steak and potatoes and lasagne.  and.. more interesting.. they had a full page for their special cupcakes.  yum!  until i stood up to look at them.  and i couldn't see them. not because they weren't on display, but because they were the size of my thumbnail.  ok, maybe not THAT small.. but for $15.00 a piece?  cup-morsels they should be called.  humph.

so not many ladies actually showed up.  not that i blame them.  it was kinda dusty, and drab and the place was chock full of small little white angel statues.  you know the ones that your grandmother's friend, the weird quiet one down the street that offers you stale cookies has all over her house.  yep. and they were all for sale.  it was busy, crowded and noisy.  and super over priced.  like raffles high tea prices.  only this ain't raffle's baby.  and the food was miniscule.  laura just ordered hot chocolate because honestly, the menu was odd.

i ordered the tofu salad and scones.  the scones were the size of a silver dollar.  the tofu salad was just that, cold tofu over iceberg lettuce. what the? the english breakfast tea was nice though.  but then.. how can you go wrong there?

yeah.  i don't know. meh.  meh place. meh conversation.  meh food. meh service. crazy stupid prices (for said meh food).  1 star.

Tea Cozy aka One Thousand Angels.
05-10 Plaza Singapura.  beside Spotlight. yay!
68 Orchard Road
Tel: 6341 9318

why, i'm at raffles, darlin'

high tea at raffles is a thing of beauty, indeed.  i don't know why, what it is about high tea, but i adore it.  i

love getting dressed up in the afternoon and sitting around a posh table with my girlfriends, eating next to nothing, and sipping tea.    and it always seems that the old colonies seem do 'english' better than the english.  i've been to high tea in london. and its good.  but it's almost common, an everyday thing, housed in busy shopping malls or in hotel lobbies beside rushed business commuters coming and going. but in india,and more so in asia its majestic.  almost as if its been stuck in a time warp, jetting high tea goers back to the 1930's to how high tea was when it was trying so hard to be so perfectly british for those expats away from britain.  LOVE IT!

so i was uber excited to meet laura and lizzie at raffles.  i made the reservation a week in advance. crazy, i know. but it's that busy.  raffles is gorgeous. full stop.  what a magnificent hotel.  just chock full of old world elegance. its the type of place where you can just breathe in the past, the elegance, the money dripping off the walls.  the tiffin room is no exception with its high high ceilings, marble columns, polished silverware, crisp white linens and exceptional service. ok. one exception.  the chairs were odd.  straight backed, so straight backed they kinda leaned forward making one almost slouch to be comfortable.  you couldn't sit up straight and be comfortable.  and you certainly couldn't lean back, cross your legs and relax.  odd the slightest angle makes the chair all wrong. we all ended up resting on our elbows on the table (oh my word, the manners!) 

two small 3 tiered dessert rings elegantly (and by that i mean frugally) displaying petite finger sandwiches, freshly baked pastries and scones served with clotted cream and homemade jams were placed on the table, and we were given a choice of tea or coffee.  sadly no elaborate choice of what tea we would like.  just english or chinese tea.  huh.

and... like most things in asia... the cakes and scones were beautiful.. and pretty much tasteless.  can you

believe we didn't finish the top tier with the desserts? they weren't good enough even to eat.  but never fear, we didn't starve, because, because, they also have a buffet.  now we are talking.  and what a buffet!  the same small desserts as are on the table, plus a whole row of chinese dumpling and dim sum, an area of baked desserts such as apple crumble and bread pudding with vanilla sauce, another area of indian curries and rice and a whole table of gorgeous fruit salads and fresh tropical (well local) fruits.  fantastic!  we all loaded our plates and gorged. elegantly of course.

our conversation was of course, elegant and refined to match our high tea settings.  we discussed how the use of squatter toilets is prolific in asia and why asians (mostly PRC's i am told) tend to think that they are more sanitary than a regular throne mechanism. so much so that there are posters in many local washrooms asking people not to stand on the throne seat and squat.  what? why would you even think to do that? how would you do that? how to balance and not break the seat?  and spillage? splashing?  W.T.F.!!?!?

there are two seatings at 3.30pm and 4.30pm. raffles quotes its high tea at $55 for adults. however, everyone in our party paid $65 each. huh. however, IMHO, damn worth it.  a lovely afternoon. even it was raining non stop outside, it was non stop luxurious gastric enjoyment inside. make sure you book early.  its usually full. and dress up. 'smart casual' is the recommended dress code. seriously, they remind you when you make a reservation.  no shoes, no shorts, no smart casual, no service.

and so i'm giving high tea at raffles 41/2 stars cause hello?  high. tea. at. raffles.

Raffles Hotel Singapore
1 Beach Road
Tel: +65 6337 1886